2 Consume fruitcake, eggnog, or gelt
3 Kiss anyone under the mistletoe whom you wouldn't kiss under any unadorned archway
4 Try to spell Chanukah (Hannukah? Hanukkah?) correctly
5 Make your own wrapping paper from potatoes and beet juice
6 Display a pine branch vertically in your apartment and call it a Christmas tree. Because you'll be at your folks' place soon anyway, and, honestly, that Charlie Brown tree is the most depressing thing we have ever seen
7 Play strip dreidel
8 Use phony plastic Christmas stuff. Examples: fake trees, spray snow, Jessica Simpson's holiday album
9 Wear the Santa hat, and nothing else
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