For Love, Sex, or Power?
People often ask, tongue in cheek, why men who live polygamy don’t just have mistresses or affairs. Sometimes they ask as if they already know the answer—although I don’t know what answer they would give. John Lewellyn, who writes and often speaks about polygamy (having lived it briefly and unsuccessfully), maintains that it’s all about sex. But clearly, life would be far less complicated for men if they didn’t sire all those children and have to maintain all those households and keep all those wives under wraps. (As my husband puts it, “One wife is more than enough.”) So what does a man get from polygamy that he couldn’t have with fewer complications by phoning an escort service, or posting personals on the internet, or hanging out in bars?
People often ask, tongue in cheek, why men who live polygamy don't just have mistresses or affairs. Sometimes they ask as if they already know the answer—although I don't know what answer they would give. John Lewellyn, who writes and often speaks about polygamy (having lived it briefly and unsuccessfully), maintains that it's all about sex. But clearly, life would be far less complicated for men if they didn't sire all those children and have to maintain all those households and keep all those wives under wraps. (As my husband puts it, "One wife is more than enough.")
So what does a man get from polygamy that he couldn't have with fewer complications by phoning an escort service, or posting personals on the internet, or hanging out in bars?
Some men really do seem committed to each of their wives and all of their children. My father was like that. He was old-fashioned about sex, even though he was a doctor. He got embarrassed when sexual innuendos were thrown around even in mild fifties movies, and he had a hard time discussing the facts of life with his children. He said that sex was a glorious thing because it created life.
Some men are committed to having as much power as possible. And the more men and women and children you can control, the more power you seem to have—at least until everybody goes into rebellion.
If you want to know what motivates a polygamous patriarch to take several wives, look at the results. The Bible says, "by their fruits ye shall know them," which can be applied almost anywhere in life. In families where love prevails, you can be sure that at the head is a man in love with his wives and children, and they with one another. In families where it's all about staying in control, well…you can be sure that whoever heads that family has created a context where "my way or the highway" is the rule of the road.
Based on what you've seen of the FLDS community in Eldorado, Texas, what makes up the context of that religious group?
-
The Cannes Film Festival 2022: The Best Red Carpet Looks
Here's what everyone wore for the festival's 75th year.
By Sara Holzman
-
The 30 Best Black TV Shows Ever
Clear your schedule. You have some binge-watching to do
By The Editors
-
Take a Tour of Ali Wentworth's Personal Library
The author and actress shares her favorite reads in 'Shelf Portrait.'
By Neha Prakash
-
30 Ways Women Still Aren't Equal to Men
If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, show them these statistics.
By Megan Friedman
-
EMILY's List President Laphonza Butler Has Big Plans for the Organization
Under Butler's leadership, the largest resource for women in politics aims to expand Black political power and become more accessible for candidates across the nation.
By Rachel Epstein
-
Want to Fight for Abortion Rights in Texas? Raise Your Voice to State Legislators
Emily Cain, executive director of EMILY's List and and former Minority Leader in Maine, says that to stop the assault on reproductive rights, we need to start demanding more from our state legislatures.
By Emily Cain
-
Your Abortion Questions, Answered
Here, MC debunks common abortion myths you may be increasingly hearing since Texas' near-total abortion ban went into effect.
By Rachel Epstein
-
The Future of Afghan Women and Girls Depends on What We Do Next
Between the U.S. occupation and the Taliban, supporting resettlement for Afghan women and vulnerable individuals is long overdue.
By Rona Akbari
-
How to Help Afghanistan Refugees and Those Who Need Aid
With the situation rapidly evolving, organizations are desperate for help.
By Katherine J Igoe
-
It’s Time to Give Domestic Workers the Protections They Deserve
The National Domestic Workers Bill of Rights, reintroduced today, would establish a new set of standards for the people who work in our homes and take a vital step towards racial and gender equity.
By Ai-jen Poo
-
The Biden Administration Announced It Will Remove the Hyde Amendment
The pledge was just one of many gender equity commitments made by the administration, including the creation of the first U.S. National Action Plan on Gender-Based Violence.
By Megan DiTrolio