Lovelies: One of my readers, Maggie Epps, wrote in recently to tell me about the blog she runs--all about the unacceptable things that dudes have done to her and her friends as part of the dating/mating/relationship game. The kinds of things NONE of us should put up with; the kind of things that make our pals say to us, "Dude! You can do better!" Checking out the site, I saw a lot of things that made me wince; some that made me crack up; and a few that sounded all-too-familiar. Read the blog yourself for the full run-down. Or, check out the list of head-shaking things below ... YOU CAN DO BETTER IF: -He says "I don't want a relationship, but if you keep coming around, then maybe I'll get used to the idea of having one." -He writes a poem entitled "Running" the first line of which is "Do you ever feel like you're running away from something?" -He tells you your tattoo sucks.
-He describes his "perfect woman" and she is your complete opposite.
-He gets offended when you tell him you don't want to have sex in the doorway of a random apartment building in the rain.*
-He has a long, douchey conversation with his friend in your presence about why marriage is obsolete; and when you finally give up trying to contribute--partly because it's such a cliche for guys to have that kind of conversation these days, and partly because they aren't paying any attention whenever you try to speak, anyway--he apologizes, saying he's sorry how it's all going over your head since it's a "graduate-school level" discussion.
-He makes multiple requests for you and your best friend to make out in front of him.
-He refuses to tell his ex-girlfriend he's in relationship with you--even though you've been together for a year now.
-He can't get it up unless you wax yourself into a state of pre-pubescent hairlessness. (Never mind that his own nether regions resemble a densely overgrown patch of blackberry bushes.)
All right, that's a round ten. But here's one last one for good measure:
-YOU CAN DO BETTER IF he says the Velvet Underground is cool as a concept, but he'll only actually listen to Lou Reed's solo work.
Also, just FYI? You can definitely do better if you feel less attractive after spending time with him!
The one thing on the site I didn't agree with? That you can do better if a guy's favorite book is still The Catcher in the Rye. Aw, come on, really? I love that book! And while a guy will hopefully have read beyond his 9th-grade summer reading list ... it's okay if the old Salinger classic is still his nostalgic fave.
What are the things that have made you say to yourself, "Hey, Self, old buddy of mine, come on now: YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!"
xxx
----------------------------
*Really glad the rain part is in there, because otherwise, it would be perfectly fine ... right?
DEAR COMMENTERS ... I don't have time right this minute to write back about all your great comments from yesterday ... but I will soon!
xxx!
