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Osbourne Family Matters

In anticipation of The Osbournes: Loud and Dangerous on Fox, we asked actress/musician Kelly Osbourne to share the parental wisdom she remembers most:


1."If they don't leave you alone, tell them that your dad is going to come to school and bite their heads off." That was my mum's advice for when people bullied me. It didn't work.

2."Never sleep with your knickers on because you need to let your body breathe." Hearing that from my mum as a child made me think that my vagina actually "breathed" and frightened me so much that to this day I never sleep without knickers on.

3."Never take sexy pictures of yourself, write steamy love letters, or make a sex tape." My mother taught me this years before sex tapes became a Hollywood trend.

4. "Never go number two on a tour bus." As kids on tour with my dad, he told us that all your waste goes into a tank that doesn't get emptied often. I once experienced what happens when someone does go number two: The smell came out of the air vents, and to this day we still call the unknown pooer the Mystery Log Rider. I know you're out there somewhere.

5. "Take all our luxuries away, and at the end of the day, all we have is each other." You never know what is going to happen. But I do know I'll always have my family.

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sarah wexler

Sarah

I'm an Assistant Editor for Marie Claire, have an MFA in writing, and live in New York City's smallest apartment with New York City's largest dog.

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Eileen

Eileen Conlan is an assistant editor at Marie Claire. She lives in New York City, and loves cooking, reading and reviewing new books, and shopping the city for the perfect deal. She also has an affinity for traveling, and anything vintage, making the Hell's Kitchen flea market her favorite weekend haunt.

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Jihan

I'm an editorial assistant in the features department, I'm addicted to the New York Times crossword puzzles (Monday only!), figuring out how to save a little money in the country's most expensive city and bad reality television.

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Abigail

Abigail Pesta is a journalist who has lived and worked around the world, from London to Hong Kong. A highlight from her travels: bar-hopping in Shanghai with a minor-league Mafioso in his hearse-like limo. A lowlight: getting attacked in Cambodia by swarms of flying cockroaches, each one the size of your thumb. She writes short-short stories for her website, Fine Words Butter No Parsnips (butternoparsnips.com)

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Lauren

Lauren is the articles editor at Marie Claire. She loves to obsess over politics, play soccer, and watch movies, not necessarily in that order. She can't imagine any human interaction that wouldn't be improved with a line from The Simpsons or Rushmore. She saved Latin - what did you ever do?

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jessica henderson

Jessica

As Associate editor of the Radar section, I obsess daily over movies, television, celebrities and music. A southern girl at heart and Brooklyn by address, my skill set also extends into witty asides, vintage shopping, planning themed parties, brunching, entertaining, applying eyeliner, dancing, concocting bourbon mint iced tea, gift giving, movie quoting, coffee drinking and Elvis spotting. I love conversations that begin with "remember the time...", am still paying off my student loans (and then some), and have fallen madly in love - with my DVR.

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Yael

Yael Kohen is an associate editor. She loves to argue, deliberate and overanalyze everything from politics to relationships (to the politics of relationships) to books, movies and television.

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