When we got a single copy of this week's New York magazine, featuring a naked Lindsay Lohan re-creating iconic shots from Marilyn Monroe's last photo shoot, it got passed around the office like contraband, causing groups of us to stand around and discuss whether it was a good career move, how much she did or didn't look like Marilyn, and, mostly, if those bare boobs are real or fake. Listen in:
"I'm usually the one to say, 'Go crazy,' but this is weird. She isn't an icon. Is she?"
"If they were fake they'd be floating. Why does she look like she's 50? When I first looked at the cover, I thought it was Joan Allen. Lindsay doesn't even have a movie out. So, wait, besides the booze and pills and men and bad acting, how is she like Marilyn? Marilyn was a woman. Lindsay's a freakbot from Mouseketeerland."
"Is this porn?"
"Well, it isn't art. It's tacky. When Madonna redid these pictures in the '90s, that made sense — she's an icon the same way."
"But isn't Lohan part of the Lindsay-Paris-Britney team — the iconic members of Hollywood's young, hard-partying group of gals who have all exposed themselves, been to rehab, or to jail?"
"As a guy, I gotta say she's not 1/16th as attractive as Marilyn. I love freckles, that's not why. Lindsay looks sleepy, like she just got out of some drug party, but Marilyn's photos were lively and full of life."
"Is this a good career move? Since when does a couple of kids' movies and Georgia Rule constitute a career? And, yeah, they've gotta be real."
"I don't know if it's wise for such a troubled starlet — who may be off the wagon again — to step into the shoes of Marilyn, who died just weeks after that session. Lohan's obsession with Marilyn uses that faulty logic that portrays troubled addicts with a kind of glamour I'm not sure it deserves. Plus, I think those photos of Marilyn are so epic because they were true — they weren't staged. There was real vulnerability and beauty and sadness there, and these are just Lohan doing an impression of them — they're staged and there isn't any real truth to them."
"I like the ones with the flowers over her boobs better. I don't need to see her nipples to know she's hot."
"I guess, when you compare it to the trashy crotch shots we saw of her last year, this is pretty classy. But compared to not showing your crotch, this is pretty trashy."
"These have gotta be real — there's a smooth swoop on the side. You can't really tell in the straight-on shots, they look a little fake there, but you can mostly see they're real from the profile shots. I don't think we'll be able to tell for sure until we can see her nipples soft, but we probably never will."
"They go down to her hips — now that's real. When she's 30, they'll be down to her knees. Other than those huge boobs, her body isn't curvy — she has no hips."
"I think they're fake, and she just had the photos retouched. She looks plastic."
"They're real — they've changed with her weight. And, yes, real people can be born with big boobs! I like the photos, but I don't know why she redid a Marilyn shoot; even after reading the article I don't know why. We've got Marilyn on a pedestal and I hope we're not putting Lindsay up there next to her."