During a special segment on last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live, Chris Hemsworth confirmed his new and exciting status as People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. He is having new business cards printed as I type this very post, in fact.
Hemsworth told People that he's thrilled to have landed the award, but he apparently also feels like he's past his prime. And to be brutally honest, his cover shot for the new issue does resemble a '90s heartthrob, center-parting and all, who's still working their best Tiger Beat centerfold poster pose — just maybe with some eyeliner now, because aren't the kids on BuzzFeed doing that these days? (But then, as with good red wine, cheese, and close relationships with your siblings, some things do get better with age.) In other self-deprecatory comments, he adds that he and wife Elsa Pataky had "a good laugh" over the news — in the way that beautiful people have to laugh, or at least say they did, over such sexy superlative accolades, because we regular folk with less-than-perfectly-chiseled-jawlines would think they were narcissistic assholes otherwise.
While not landing the absolute "sexiest" top spot, two other guys made People's new cover: Chris Pratt and Idris Elba, and People says they "couldn't not be" included, even though it's a bit of an empty gesture — as JustJared notes, Pratt's fangirls are pissed. (There are apparently another 200+ hotties inside the magazine.) The cover also features a tribute to recently deceased MTV starlet Diem Brown, and while the juxtaposition seems a little crass, just remember that sex and death are enticing topics for newsstand browsers, not to mention that last year's "Sexiest Man Alive" cover featured Adam Levine, which is much worse.
P.S. Upstaging all this year's hotties is People's roundup of the sexiest manatees alive. No really, it's a slideshow and you should click through it.