Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Can we le hold up for une second? How is it that Le Bae, Justin Trudeau, has been casually snapped looking like an absolute snack once again?! Does this man do anything besides wandering into well-lit thirst traps with nary a hair out of place. I mean, really!
This weekend he was caught looking abso-damn-lutely giddy prancing through a crowd of oblivious teens on their way to a prom. Just out for une jog casual, as you do, in a pair of petite shorts. Romping through a bunch of formal dress Canadians youngsters, impeccably framed by the water and the skyline and the halo of aesthetic perfection that he can't seem to shake.
This is wild.
And these kids have no idea, which is even wilder, especially considering I know where Justin Trudeau is every minute of every day. What's hilarious is that even if he wasn't the Prime Minister, he's still a dreamboat plowing through the crowd. I'd expect the gathered grads to give him at least a passing "Hey girl." In fact, it would probably be easier to ogle without knowing who he is because then you wouldn't have to balance his more problematic policies with the fact that you just want to look at his Disney prince face.
The "impromptu" pics were taken by the PM's photographer, Adam Scotti, who is a ginger snack himself!
What's going on in Canada? What are you feeding these dudes? Do I need to come up and investigate? No worries; I'm already on my way.
And when I get there I am interrogating everybody. First question: Who jogs? I'm all about "fitness" and "living to see the end of the world" and whatnot, but I thought jogging was just a theoretical thing that people do on Law & Order when they're about to discover a body.
Second question: Who looks that good jogging? I mean, I guess it sort of behooves you to look picture perfect when your casual, round-the-lake jaunt includes a cameraman but it's still impressive that he pulls it off.
No one looks this good physically exerting themselves. I don't look this good after walking up a flight of stairs. This is une scandal.
Third question: Where you been hiding those thighs though?! How have we gone this long without seeing Justin Trudeau in short shorts? We really were living in the darkest timeline. Now that I know what's going on, leg-wise, I think NAFTA needs to pass some sort of no-long-pants resolution.
For him. Only.
Speaking of the darkest timeline:
Is it a sign of madness when things that are abjectly horrifying start to seem hilarious?
You know the old saying: "Every time a tasty morsel jogs in short shorts along the lake, at least three super villains get an Infinity Stone."
What in the "actual scene from a terrible sci-fi movie" is happening? Like, can we have a North American conference on optics, please? This feels like an essay question from the test that Trump skipped in world leader school.
"Please discuss the reasons for avoiding a) uplighting, b) placing your hands on a globe like some kind of megalomaniacal late career Johnny Depp character, c) anything that looks like evil cackling could break out any minute."
Where do you even get something like that? Is there an Ikea for Bond villains?
Even First Lady Melania Trump (remember her?) doesn't escape this photo unscathed. Apparently smizing starts to look like sinister plotting when there's an orb that glows like a nuclear reactive Earth in front of you. Who knew?
Well, you know who probably actually did know? Justin Trudeau.
This is a guy who aced his "Knowing Your Angles" course in world leader school. So, for any budding world leaders out there today, take these lessons with you: short-shorts, don't visibly perspire, always bring a ginger cameraman with you and never touch the glowing orb or the Ark of the Covenant.