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12 (Imagined) Screenshots from Beyoncé's (Alleged) Secret Snapchat

Can we get a hand here, WikiLeaks?

By Mehera Bonner
Logo, Vehicle door, Advertising, Brown hair, Blond, Goggles, Luxury vehicle, Brand, Mid-size car, Makeover,
Design by Dana Tepper

Can you file a FOIA for Beyoncé's secret Snapchat that she totally doesn't have, according to Tina Knowles? (Suuuure.) While we wait for the government to send us a curt rejection letter, here's our magnum opus: 12 completely fictional but entirely plausible screenshots in the key of Queen B.

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1
<p>Mood. </p>
Getty, design by Dana Tepper

Mood.

2
<p>You know what you did, Aunt Becky. </p>
Getty, design by Dana Tepper

You know what you did, Aunt Becky.

3
<p>Smack it, smack it all the way over to the Big Gulp dispenser. </p>
Getty, design by Dana Tepper

Smack it, smack it all the way over to the Big Gulp dispenser.

4
<p>This cannot be unseen. </p>
Getty, design by Dana Tepper

This cannot be unseen.

5
<p>He had to take his own chopper home, though.</p>
Getty, design by Dana Tepper

He had to take his own chopper home, though.

6
<p>Remember <a href="http://www.marieclaire.com/celebrity/news/a18527/jay-z-snapchat/" target="_blank">when Usher tried to Snap with Jay Z</a>, and he was like "IDK what this is?" </p>
Snapchat, design by Dana Tepper

Remember when Usher tried to Snap with Jay Z, and he was like "IDK what this is?"

7
<p>BUT WHAT IF HE ACTUALLY DID KNOW? </p>
Beyonce.com, design by Dana Tepper

BUT WHAT IF HE ACTUALLY DID KNOW?

8
<p>Look at your life, look at your choices, green ivy. </p>
Getty, design by Dana Tepper

Look at your life, look at your choices, green ivy.

9
<p>"They don't have pizza [in Houston]," <a href="http://www.etonline.com/news/174407_jay_z_talks_beyonce_pizza_preference_on_jimmy_kimmel_live/" target="_blank">Jay Z once said</a>. "That explains everything."</p>
Courtesy, design by Dana Tepper

"They don't have pizza [in Houston]," Jay Z once said. "That explains everything."

10
<p>The new "North posted this while playing games on my phone."</p>
Instagram, design by Dana Tepper

The new "North posted this while playing games on my phone."

11
<p>If you squint, her shoulder pads are totally his paws. </p>
Getty, design by Dana Tepper

If you squint, her shoulder pads are totally his paws.

12
<p>Still hilarious, 10 years later. </p>
YouTube, design by Dana Tepper

Still hilarious, 10 years later.

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