1. Having to learn how to walk in heels like a normal person and not a doofus. Oh, and figuring out how high and/or narrow the heels can get before you are inevitably going to fall down. But some girls seem like they came out of the womb in stilettos. Thug snapz to them.
2. Being drunk in high heels. Because being drunk and wobbly is not difficult enough. In a bar which has floors that are damp and slippery from God knows what.
3. Getting your tampon wrapper stuck in the zipper of your purse. And often breaking the zipper, like a cruel, scented kraken emerging from the sea of your Michael Kors hobo.
4. Having to do that walk through the office to the bathroom with a tampon and slide it up into your shirtsleeve so nobody sees it. One time I brandished it LIKE A PIRATE as a joke to a bunch of Cosmo girls in a conference room and a man happened to be walking by. He was horrified. YOLO!
5. Why certain commercials make you cry, like those "Thank you, mom" spots during the Olympics. Whenever I see that "Sad Mouse" thing from the Bruno Mars Saturday Night Liveepisode, I cry. Every. Single. Time.
6. The absolutely-not-interchangeable difference between pants and leggings. I mean.
7. How you can tell from a two-word text whether your mom or BFF is having a shitty day. And then you're concerned about it and can't relax until you talk it through with them, no matter where you are or what you're doing. You could be having tea in the Oval Office with President Obama and you'd be leaving voicemails for your best friend asking her if she meant it when she said "im fine" with no punctuation.
8. Not knowing where the waterline is. Or, like, what it is? Or whether we're supposed to line the bottom of our eyes at all? I guess not knowing how to line your lower eyes in a way that could possibly not make you eventually go blind.
9. Carving out a full evening to wash, condition, dry and style your hair. It's a whole process that involves many tubes of mystical, expensive hair product, some puppy dog's tails, and the power of prayer. And other times you're too tired and you don't wash your hair for a week. Or, uh, some people don't.
10. Waking up 30 minutes earlier than you'd need to if you were a man in order to make yourself look like a put-together professional lady. Because there's always those one or two women at work who are basically wearing ballgowns on the one day you choose to skip the makeup and wear Converse.
11. Expecting people to be competent at work, and then being called a bitch for it. We're not supposed to enforce the idea that people need to do... their... jobs... correctly. We're supposed to go tell a man about it so that he can enforce it and we can continue to be "likeable."
12. Getting squeezed between two dudes whose legs are splayed out on public transportation. It's cute that you think your dicks need all that room to frolic, but they don't, and I am being compressed into a teeny tiny square.
13. Being catcalled on the street. I'm literally wearing a full-length North Face jacket and a scarf over most of my features. Why are you whistling at me?
14. Bras that don't fit right. Especially when they're tight in the band and give you that little fat roll.
15. Boobs that are two different sizes. And therefore, more difficult to find bras to accommodate you (see above).
16. How expensive bras are. Ask the nearest single man how much he thinks bras cost. "I dunno, like 8 bucks?" he will say, scratching his balls, and go back to making one dollar to your 77 cents.
17. Stupid-long bathroom lines at bars. Lifehack: Use the men's room. I do that every time.
18. Wondering if you can pull off crop tops in various scenarios. Or if you are just not a Crop Top Girl like Rihanna is.
19. The assumption that all of your bad moods are caused by PMS. Hahahah. Stop.
20. Not having orgasms. Not all the time, anyway.
21. Having to decide whether you're going to admit you're not having orgasms or fake it. This shouldn't even be a decision, but it happens.
22. Telling your partner you're not having orgasms and getting a response like: "But most women do with me; there must be something weird with you." Um, I'll take Delusional Sexual Behavior for 500, Alex.
23. Faking it. Let's all agreeeeeee neverrrrrrr againnnn. Not even if you really like him. Especially if you really like him.
24. Awkwardly warning the person you just started dating that you have your period. Just texting like "hey are we still on for 8 at that tapas place btw im bleeding from my vadge but still DTF if you are :D"
25. That thing where your skirt and/or pants somehow get tighter as the work day goes on and you have to take it off the second you walk in the door. Happening to me right now. Is it the high-waist trend? Can we make sweatpants at work happen, please?
26. Frenemies. "If she annoys you so much, why are you friends with her?" is a question that no woman has ever genuinely asked another woman, ever, about her best friend/occasional frenemy. It's simply understood.
27. The inescapable addiction to shitty female-centric reality TV shows. The whole "Orange women with hair extensions tossing jumbo glasses of white wine at each other" thing just totally escapes them. They get so many more hours of the day! (But they use those hours to smoke weed and fart, so we still come out on top anyway.)
28. Carrying extra shoes to work. That crazy-beautiful woman in a head-to-toe J.Crew professional outfit is wearing dumpy sneakers on the train and putting on her beautiful shoes at work. Men just have one dress shoe for every single possible occasion.
29. Slut-shaming. Don't even try to argue that. They just don't have to deal with it.
30. Wearing cute, short outfits to go out in the winter, and the trickery/layers involved. Although many of us have decided to go full-stop on this and simply bundle up, because we are not as young/silly as we used to be. When you are 1,000 years old like me, you will probs wear a full-body sleeping bag to Da Club.
31. Worrying whether something you do/like is "feminist" enough. The word means many things, and many people are prepared to tell you that their way is the only way.
32. Everything single weird and occasionally terrible thing that happens to your body when you're pregnant. There's that thing you hear about where the skin that separates the vagina from the butthole rips during birth, leaving you with one single #vaginabutthole.
33. Getting lipstick on your teeth and not knowing.
34. Whether you're too old or too young or too heavy to wear something. You're not.
This post originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com.