It's frustrating when you're into someone who has a boyfriend or girlfriend, even though it's obvious that you're attracted to one another. As poor as my skills are with the ladies, I actually have a track record of winning over girls with boyfriends.
At first glance that statement is a red flag. Who wants to be a home wrecker?
Actually, there were two reasons I was successful at winning over taken women:
-The boyfriend was not treating her right
Either way there was always a process involved.
I had to be the forbidden fruit: an intriguing alternative to what the girl already had. I'm not condoning stealing boyfriends and girlfriends.
But, to overcome the frustration of being into someone who is taken, becoming the forbidden fruit gives you hope that something might happen.
Here's how to become the forbidden fruit:
No need to shift into gear unless there's attraction. If you're laughing a lot, feeling flirty and a little giddy around each other, you can feel it in the air. You have to decide how you're going to approach this attraction you have even though one of you is taken.
Be a Friend
It's all you can be at this point, and it actually creates an edge. You're friends, but there's potential, and you represent something new and intriguing. Trying to be more than a friend too early might blow everything up.
Find a Mole
This is imperative. You have no way of knowing what's going on in someone's relationship unless they tell you — and then you become "helpful friend"…you don't want that. With a mole (usually a close friend of theirs) you can find out how boring or awful the significant other is — moles almost always hate their friend's significant others. The mole is a nice barometer of the situation, hitting you with "guess who was talking about you today…" statements.
Be the Opposite of the Significant Other
Once you find out why the significant other sucks (usually via the mole), accentuate your positives. If they are boring, then you're exciting.
If they are mean/jerky, then you're sweet. If they are stupid, then you're smart (or try to be).
Keep 'Em Honest by Talking About Your Romantic Life
Remember, you're just friends. Flaunt your active dating life. It gives the illusion that your crush might lose you…even though they don't have you. They'll suddenly realize they are jealous of every person you're dating, which may or may not cause them to do something.
Let Them Make a Move
It's frustrating, but you have to sit back and let the taken person make the move. In the past, I've gotten texts to meet up, or I've just ended up making out with someone after playing the forbidden fruit for a while.
Someone even visited me and had sex with me, left, and never talked to me again…maybe because she was taken, but I'm thinking she hated the sex.
Don't Aim Too High
I've watched enough Discovery ID true crime documentaries to know that once you get involved with married people, people die or get seriously injured. I'm still debating on how responsible "the other person" is in a love triangle, but anyone who breaks up an engagement or marriage is not so innocent. Once people are married, it's up to them to ruin it themselves.
Living with a boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, and married are too serious to mess with.
Accept the Outcome
The Forbidden Fruit Maneuver is not 100 percent. In fact, I've become friends with many girls with boyfriends and just ended up as friends. Of course, there wasn't the attraction and potential to get together there with every taken girl I've become friends with. Be happy with friendship, even if you have feelings and nothing works out. We can't have everything.
It's strange when you realize there's a connection with someone who has a significant other. It tests your morals. Some might say that you should not take action, and some might say that it's for the best if you win them over — the other person wasn't right for them anyway.
But it's amazing how many people stay with a significant other who is not good enough for them or treating them badly. It's also amazing how many people are weak like me, and give in so easily to temptation.
Sadly, I love situations where the bar is low: A bad boyfriend makes me look good. Perhaps I should avoid the girls with low expectations (and boyfriends), because these situations never work out long term.
Have you ever fallen for the Forbidden Fruit, or been the Forbidden Fruit? How do you deal with it when you're into someone who is taken? What do you think of the Forbidden Fruit Theory?
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