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April 19, 2008

I (Don't) Need a Hero

Are superheroes really boyfriend material?

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Superheroes always beat baddies and win the babes — even that huge slab of rock, The Thing, gets the girl in Fantastic Four. With a summer full of The Incredible Hulk, Hellboy II, and Iron Man, we contemplate whether these guys really are boyfriend material. What concerns us:

1. He actually calls it his “man of steel.”

2. Surprise train derailments and meteor showers mean he can never stick to dinner plans.

3. Belted leotard.

4. Some girl in a rubber catsuit who can snap a man’s neck with her thighs is always hanging around, making trouble.

5. Knows when you’re wearing granny panties. Hel-lo, X-ray vision.

6. He’s always had the harder day at work. “Oh, yeah? This afternoon I had to save Chicago.

7. Tricked-out superheromobile leaves sizable carbon footprint.

8. Mutant babies.

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