He's Not Into You if He Won't Go Out His Way For You

The other day I

unwittingly answered the ever-popular question as to why guys disappear after

seeming so interested. I've been the victim of girls pulling strange

disappearing acts on me as well. So, I stepped back and looked at it on a human level and tried to

simplify it as much as possible.

Lately, I've been on a

string of dates that have been OK, but nothing special. My friends (more and more of which are

getting engaged or more serious with their significant others) have been asking

me to assess every date, since the spotlight is focusing more on me these

days. After getting berated by

statements such as: "you're too picky," "you're just making excuses to stay

single," "stop being so critical," I finally came out with:

"I'm not going to be into

anyone or anything that I don't want to go out of my way for."

After I finally said it,

the light bulb went on in my head. Yeah, I'm picky—there's not much I will go out of my way for. But how many people really go out of

their way for many things? And how

many unions between two people occur out of convenience: "it was just so easy—it

was right", versus "I realized when I would do anything to get to see them,

they were the right one"?

Here are the things I go

out of my way for in no particular order: Chic-Fil-A/Wendy's, Maryland Terps Football/Baseball, Baltimore Ravens

Football, Baltimore Orioles Baseball, University of Delaware sports, day time

drinking in the sun, the beach, home grown tomatoes, amazing music, my friends and family, pets, fresh

vegetables, the gym (even though I hate every minute I spend there), true crime

or history or nature shows on History Channel or Discovery Channel...to name a few.

When I say "go out of my

way for", I mean: make a really

abrupt lane change all the way to the right to jump off on the exit, make a

tough left turn and go two miles down the road to get to it—during a long trip...I

mean: like what the Hobbits went

through to get rid of that ring.

So far, I have not met

many girls that I'd go out of my way for. I used to get crushes on girls in high school around the time I got my

license. While driving, I had

various "routes" that were

completely out of the way so that I could just drive past a girl's house. My friends would groan as I announced, "OK,

we are going to take the Vanessa Coe Thruway on the way to school". One of my favorite girls in New York

City (she doesn't know this, and I've never talked to her beyond ordering a

drink) is a bartender at The Village Pourhouse (opens in new tab) in the East Village. Every now and then, I will stop by

there for a drink, regardless of the plans for the evening. I go out of my way to see her, and get

a chance (even though I blow it every time) to talk to her.

So, girls, if you're

wondering if this guy is into you—consider whether he ever goes out of his way

to get to you. Don't bend over

backwards and adjust your life too much to see him. What if you do this all the time, and he never does? Does he put unimportant things in front

of you? Remember in a previous

post, I once went to play in a random soccer game instead of going to my

girlfriend's birthday—I wanted to break up with her. Limiting your accessibility is helpful in assessing if a guy

is into you. Not only does it make

you look like you have a lot going on, and you're not an easy prize—but it also

tests him to see what kind of lengths he'll go through to see you. The difficult (and evil) thing about

guys is that they will go out of their way just for sex most of the time.

Look again at my list of

things above. Of course every guy

will have his goofy stupid things he goes out of his way for. Your goal is to get into that "friends/family" part of the list.

Do you all find that

limiting your accessibility is a good test? And, in all honesty, how many things do you really go out of

your way for? Does it ease your

frustration when you realize that people, by nature, do not go out of their way

for many things?