By Rich Santos
The other day I
unwittingly answered the ever-popular question as to why guys disappear after
seeming so interested. I've been the victim of girls pulling strange
disappearing acts on me as well. So, I stepped back and looked at it on a human level and tried to
simplify it as much as possible.
Lately, I've been on a
string of dates that have been OK, but nothing special. My friends (more and more of which are
getting engaged or more serious with their significant others) have been asking
me to assess every date, since the spotlight is focusing more on me these
days. After getting berated by
statements such as: "you're too picky," "you're just making excuses to stay
single," "stop being so critical," I finally came out with:
"I'm not going to be into
anyone or anything that I don't want to go out of my way for."
After I finally said it,
the light bulb went on in my head. Yeah, I'm picky—there's not much I will go out of my way for. But how many people really go out of
their way for many things? And how
many unions between two people occur out of convenience: "it was just so easy—it
was right", versus "I realized when I would do anything to get to see them,
they were the right one"?
Here are the things I go
out of my way for in no particular order: Chic-Fil-A/Wendy's, Maryland Terps Football/Baseball, Baltimore Ravens
Football, Baltimore Orioles Baseball, University of Delaware sports, day time
drinking in the sun, the beach, home grown tomatoes, amazing music, my friends and family, pets, fresh
vegetables, the gym (even though I hate every minute I spend there), true crime
or history or nature shows on History Channel or Discovery Channel...to name a few.
When I say "go out of my
way for", I mean: make a really
abrupt lane change all the way to the right to jump off on the exit, make a
tough left turn and go two miles down the road to get to it—during a long trip...I
mean: like what the Hobbits went
through to get rid of that ring.
So far, I have not met
many girls that I'd go out of my way for. I used to get crushes on girls in high school around the time I got my
license. While driving, I had
various "routes" that were
completely out of the way so that I could just drive past a girl's house. My friends would groan as I announced, "OK,
we are going to take the Vanessa Coe Thruway on the way to school". One of my favorite girls in New York
City (she doesn't know this, and I've never talked to her beyond ordering a
drink) is a bartender at The Village Pourhouse in the East Village. Every now and then, I will stop by
there for a drink, regardless of the plans for the evening. I go out of my way to see her, and get
a chance (even though I blow it every time) to talk to her.
So, girls, if you're
wondering if this guy is into you—consider whether he ever goes out of his way
to get to you. Don't bend over
backwards and adjust your life too much to see him. What if you do this all the time, and he never does? Does he put unimportant things in front
of you? Remember in a previous
post, I once went to play in a random soccer game instead of going to my
girlfriend's birthday—I wanted to break up with her. Limiting your accessibility is helpful in assessing if a guy
is into you. Not only does it make
you look like you have a lot going on, and you're not an easy prize—but it also
tests him to see what kind of lengths he'll go through to see you. The difficult (and evil) thing about
guys is that they will go out of their way just for sex most of the time.
Look again at my list of
things above. Of course every guy
will have his goofy stupid things he goes out of his way for. Your goal is to get into that "friends/family" part of the list.
Do you all find that
limiting your accessibility is a good test? And, in all honesty, how many things do you really go out of
your way for? Does it ease your
frustration when you realize that people, by nature, do not go out of their way
for many things?
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