We usually try to avoid our exes at all costs, but every now and then, the planets go a bit haywire, causing us to second-guess our own realities. On July 7th, Mercury, planet of communication, began its exhausting retrograde cycle. Everything is moving in reverse and we’re feeling extra nostalgic for things from our pasts...including people we’ve dated.
Don’t let Mercury Retrograde be the kryptonite to your Hot Girl Summer™️. Read on to find out how each sign is tempted by their ex so you can keep yourself in check until July 31st, when Mercury goes back to normal. Otherwise, you can just throw your phone into the ocean.
Aries Kryptonite: Humblebrags
Is your ex suddenly bragging on social media about all their achievements to prove how strong and cool they are? This type of posturing doesn’t work for everyone, but since you’re big on competition, these gestures can make you swoon. The best way to combat this is by doing your own shit. After all, who’s more badass than you?
Taurus Kryptonite: Michelin-Star Dinner Plans
Since when did your ex become an actual foodie? Suddenly, your cheap former beau—the same one who thought Trader Joe’s “Two-Buck Chuck” was delicious—is trying to plan a catch-up with you at one of the most expensive (and dangerously romantic) cocktail bars around. Although you love a bougie moment (especially when it involves food), you should def decline that invite. Book a table for one and ball out on yourself instead.
Gemini Kryptonite: Literally Just a Text
You have been waiting patiently for some communication or closure with your ex, and now—right when you were about to move on (of course)—they’re blowing you up. Whether it’s a DM or a romantic haiku written in the sky, these messages from the grave will only lead to trouble. Slap an emotional OOO on all your inboxes through the end of the month. What’s dead is dead!
Cancer Kryptonite: Validation
As a Cancer, you take your emotional bonds seriously. It’s not easy for a Crab like you to crawl out of your shell, so when you do, it’s for a good reason. Over the next few weeks, make sure your ex doesn’t try to take advantage of your sweet sensibility. Smash the block button if they start liking your IG posts or responding to your Story. You—and you alone—decide who gets to win you over!
Leo Kryptonite: Romance
You’re zodiac royalty, so you’re a sucker for anything that makes you feel regal and paid attention to. During Mercury Retrograde, your ex might try to roll through with gestures that appear specifically catered to you—like texting you a highlighted line from your favorite book they never bothered to read when you were together. Stay grounded and keep on moving. Just because it seems like you’re the only ex they’re texting doesn’t mean it’s true! In the words of your fellow Lioness J.Lo, your love don’t cost a thing.
Virgo Kryptonite: Apologies
If your ex suddenly creeps back into the picture with a laundry list of justifications, explanations, and (ahem) excuses for everything they did wrong when you were together, run for the hills. You’re all about communication, so this apparent change of heart may seem thoughtful, but retroactive reflection can only go so far. Don’t join Mercury in its backward journey.
Libra Kryptonite: Charm
You’re all about harmony and diplomacy, so if your ex starts serving up some serious charm, you may be tempted to send some in return. But be warned, Libra love: Mercury Retrograde is an optical illusion and our perspective is similarly warped during this planet’s backward spin. When this planet goes forward on July 31st, you’ll realize that your ex’s gestures weren’t so balanced after all. Don’t let your former fling rock your equilibrium!
Scorpio Kryptonite: That “U Up” Text
You’re always intrigued by life’s dark mysteries, which is what makes you such an intense, beguiling lover. Unfortunately, your fascination with passion makes you especially susceptible to retrograde temptations. Hooking up with your ex during Mercury Retrograde is not sexy—in most cases, it’s just a waste of your damn time. The flame has already burned out! Apply that dynamic energy to your current crush, instead, and get ready for an even hotter blaze.
Sagittarius Kryptonite: An Adventure
You’re always ready for an exciting new voyage, but your next one shouldn’t be with your ex. During Mercury Retrograde, you may find that your former lover is suddenly “down for whatever,” but don’t be fooled by this slippery invitation. The woods may seem like a fun place to explore with your ex, but you’ll find yourself not being able to see the forest for the trees.
Capricorn Kryptonite: An Entrance Strategy
So your ex is rolling through with a PowerPoint that details exactly why you two should get back together. While you, a Capricorn, appreciate the hard work, Mercury Retrograde will throw a wrench in their “compelling” plan. Wait until Mercury goes direct on July 31st before moving forward with any agreement. It’s Mercury Retrograde and you aren’t seeing things clearly. Plus, if they hang around, you’ll know they actually stand behind their word.
Aquarius Kryptonite: The Visionary
As an Aquarius, you’re an eccentric, free-spirited thinker who hates to play by the rules. That said, your ex thinks the fastest way to your heart is by shaking things up. If they suddenly start showing up on your stomping grounds or straight-up creeping you out with their Snaps, remember to issue some firm boundaries (and if things escalate into stalker-ish vibes, take more serious measures). Protecting yourself is even more important than protecting your heart.
Pisces Kryptonite: Sex Dreams
You’re the most ethereal sign of the zodiac, so during Mercury Retrograde, don’t be surprised if you find yourself having vivid dreams about former lovers. Dreams are more about you than they are about the people in them. However, if your ex suddenly slides into your DMs, it doesn’t mean your cosmic reunion is ~written in the stars~. Save your mind’s eye for your future, not your past!
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