My
desire for independence, fear of commitment, fear of success, and the vast
array of people and experiences in this huge world are all factors that
contribute to me not being in the mood to date 90% of the time.
But the
other day, I realized I got into a "dating mood" because I did a few things
outside of my comfort zone (and it had nothing to do with watching a romantic
comedy). Over the past week, the
following actions put me in the mood to date:
I Took
A Walk, Alone
"Alone"
means: no friends, no iPod, and
kept my phone in my pocket. This
allowed me to hear the sounds of the city; surprisingly, there were pleasant dating sounds. The
weather was nice, and the sun was going down. I heard snippets of conversations amongst outdoor diners, and
the clanking of glasses and plates creating a dissonant but inspiring
"restaurant sound" symphony. I saw
the dating world clearly on my walk, and I wanted to be a part of it.
I
Didn't Talk To My Best Buddy For A Few Days
My best
friend is basically a girlfriend minus the physical attraction (well, maybe we
are attracted to each other). But
really, we talk about everything all the time. We criticize celebs, talk about
our friends, and every day life:
"What
was Tom Brady wearing during that interview?"
"Celine
Dion is awful, but I can't stop watching her on YouTube because I'm strangely
intrigued."
"Can
you believe Jenn is with that guy?
Her ex was the best thing that ever happened to her. Oh well, who am we to judge?"
"I am
so tired of Time Warner Cable's terrible customer service. Let me tell you the ways they've horns
waggled me." (insert 20 minute story)
He
recently went away with his girlfriend and was unavailable on text. I realized that I text my best friend
all the mundane things that I should be texting a girlfriend:
"standing
in line behind Fred Savage at the coffee shop"
"nice
day out today"
"can't
stop listening to Queen on my iPod, and I don't know why"
Your
significant other is your own personal Twitter vent. You share little snippets of life and thought with them,
because no one else will care or understand how these snippets are part of
you. Lucky for me, I have a lot of
guy friends that I converse with in this manner. But, without my best guy friend available to vent to, I felt
a void, and realized that actually dating a girl would fill that void-even when
my best was around.
I
Didn't Talk To Fellow Jaded People
When
you think and talk about something enough, you begin to believe it. I have a legion of jaded friends who
believe they will never meet the right person. We feed off one another, and we find comfort in our
complaining. Conversely, my
friends who are dating rarely talk about how "great" things are going. It's easier to complain, so I
hear more from the jaded friends.
Strangely, I took a break from talking about how annoying dating was,and how there are no good people out there, and it refreshed my mind.
I Talked
To and Met Lots of Women In A Short Period Of Time
During my
"Man In The Street" segment for Marie Claire, I interviewed a lot of women, so
eventually it took the edge off approaching them. It was like riding a bike-I
had gotten rusty, and just a few hours of talking to women got me back to
feeling comfortable. It turns out dating is not about approaching one girl in
hopes of getting a date-it's about meeting lots of interesting girls, with no
expectations. It's really not that
tough if you keep doing it and don't let yourself get into a funk.
It's easier to complain about dating, talk to my buddies about everything, approach
just a few girls when I'm out, or close myself up in my iPod/cell phone bubble
when I'm on a walk. The four
things mentioned above, outside of my comfort zone, removed blinders, and I realized channeling my energy in
a different way would get me into a dating frame of mind. I actually got into
the mood to date for the first time in a long time.
Do you
agree that sometimes we are in the mood to date, and sometimes we are not? If so, what kinds of things get you
into the mood to date? Do you
think any of the above things would get you in to a dating mood?
Follow me on Twitter:
twitter.com/richravens
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