Why Are the Stars of the Facebook Movie Not So Hot?

Though I'm not usually the type to get all worked up about some new movie, I'm pretty psyched to see the new Facebook movie, partly because the trailers look great, partly because the advance word is that it's a fantastic flick, but mainly because I'm hot for the body (and brain) of one of Facebook's co-founders, Sean Parker.

In addition to helping make Facebook into the cultural phenomenon that it is today, Parker is now semifamous for saying that making a million dollars isn't cool; making a billion is. He also helped to create Napster, the now-defunct music-sharing site that helped get all of us thinking about intellectual property rights and to dramatically change our understanding of the role the Internet could play in our lives.

Vanity Fair recently ran a fascinating profile of Parker, who is alternately described as "a hard-partying, press-shy genius of social networking," "a svelte, wavy-maned clotheshorse," "a uniquely quirky figure in the annals of 21st-century business," and a plain old "visionary" who will soon be worth a billion in his own right. After reading the thing, I developed a pretty good crush on Parker, who is described as living "the life of [computer] programmer-as-rock-star-often spent among real-life rock stars." So while I know I don't have any chance of getting it on with an actual rock star (though hey, Jason Schwartzman, I'm here if you want me) maybe I do stand a chance with a computer-programmer-rock-star?

Anyway, the real point is that since I have the hots for Sean Parker, I'm a lot more interested in this movie than in most. And as Park-Diddy's new biggest fan, I was chagrined (not to say horrified) to find that someone as wildly NOT-THAT-CUTE as Justin Timberlake was playing my man!

In fact, after looking at this MovieCultists.com blog posting, I realize ALL of the movie's stars are much less cute than the real-life people they've been picked to portray. Doncha think?

Also, um, anybody out there have a close personal connection with Sean Parker? Or, like, at least a Facebook friendship with him?

(Check out my Fbook page here.)

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
More From Love & Sex