My desire for independence, fear of commitment, fear of success, and the vast array of people and experiences in this huge world are all factors that contribute to me not being in the mood to date 90% of the time.
But the other day, I realized I got into a "dating mood" because I did a few things outside of my comfort zone (and it had nothing to do with watching a romantic comedy). Over the past week, the following actions put me in the mood to date:
I Took A Walk, Alone
"Alone" means: no friends, no iPod, and kept my phone in my pocket. This allowed me to hear the sounds of the city; surprisingly, there were pleasant dating sounds. The weather was nice, and the sun was going down. I heard snippets of conversations amongst outdoor diners, and the clanking of glasses and plates creating a dissonant but inspiring "restaurant sound" symphony. I saw the dating world clearly on my walk, and I wanted to be a part of it.
I Didn't Talk To My Best Buddy For A Few Days
My best friend is basically a girlfriend minus the physical attraction (well, maybe we are attracted to each other). But really, we talk about everything all the time. We criticize celebs, talk about our friends, and every day life:
"Celine Dion is awful, but I can't stop watching her on YouTube because I'm strangely intrigued."
"Can you believe Jenn is with that guy? Her ex was the best thing that ever happened to her. Oh well, who am we to judge?"
"I am so tired of Time Warner Cable's terrible customer service. Let me tell you the ways they've horns waggled me." (insert 20 minute story)
He recently went away with his girlfriend and was unavailable on text. I realized that I text my best friend all the mundane things that I should be texting a girlfriend:
"standing in line behind Fred Savage at the coffee shop"
"nice day out today"
"can't stop listening to Queen on my iPod, and I don't know why"
Your significant other is your own personal Twitter vent. You share little snippets of life and thought with them, because no one else will care or understand how these snippets are part of you. Lucky for me, I have a lot of guy friends that I converse with in this manner. But, without my best guy friend available to vent to, I felt a void, and realized that actually dating a girl would fill that void-even when my best was around.
I Didn't Talk To Fellow Jaded People
When you think and talk about something enough, you begin to believe it. I have a legion of jaded friends who believe they will never meet the right person. We feed off one another, and we find comfort in our complaining. Conversely, my friends who are dating rarely talk about how "great" things are going. It's easier to complain, so I hear more from the jaded friends. Strangely, I took a break from talking about how annoying dating was, and how there are no good people out there, and it refreshed my mind.
I Talked To and Met Lots of Women In A Short Period Of Time
During my "Man In The Street" segment for Marie Claire, I interviewed a lot of women, so eventually it took the edge off approaching them. It was like riding a bike-I had gotten rusty, and just a few hours of talking to women got me back to feeling comfortable. It turns out dating is not about approaching one girl in hopes of getting a date-it's about meeting lots of interesting girls, with no expectations. It's really not that tough if you keep doing it and don't let yourself get into a funk.
It's easier to complain about dating, talk to my buddies about everything, approach just a few girls when I'm out, or close myself up in my iPod/cell phone bubble when I'm on a walk. The four things mentioned above, outside of my comfort zone, removed blinders, and I realized channeling my energy in a different way would get me into a dating frame of mind. I actually got into the mood to date for the first time in a long time.
Do you agree that sometimes we are in the mood to date, and sometimes we are not? If so, what kinds of things get you into the mood to date? Do you think any of the above things would get you in to a dating mood?
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