Am I Getting All Tied Up for No Good Reason?

I've been a terrible flirt lately--Neil Strauss would be disappointed by how little I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone to meet people. I hereby promise to step up it, starting this weekend!

Although ... I do have a date this weekend. I've been back on the Internet, despite my claims of burn-out syndrome, on a new groovy new site which shall remain nameless for the time being because I am genuinely a little nervous about stalkers. Also genuinely looking forward to the date this weekend, with some cute photographer who contacted me.

However ... I've also been on two dates with another guy. I know: I've been holding out a little on this one, dear readers. But the problem is, I am a real person! And I hope you can understand that there's something of a conflict-of-interest for me, inherent in the blogging-about-my-love-life situation. On the way hand, I want to be completely honest and revealing with you guys. On the other hand, I wouldn't want some guy I've been out with a couple times to stumble upon my blog and read about how much I'm dying to hear from him again, how he was a surpassingly brilliant conversationalist, how he had a fantastic rear end.

BUT ... (or should I say "butt"?) ... the funny thing about this two-date guy--who is an academic and a Russian immigrant--is that he found my blog. And told me about finding it. And said he was really intrigued by the idea of me pro-actively and pre-emptively "gaining control of my public persona" because in the future, he thinks, NONE of us will have any privacy. (Which is pretty interesting to think about, and totally Orwellian.)

Perhaps more interestingly, he seemed to hope that I would write about him on the blog! And--getting ahead of myself--I began to think how cool it would be if we started dating and he was cool with me--us--exploring and airing our relationship issues, anxieties and concerns on the blog, and working through them publicly. I love doing the blog already--but that would take it to another level, and turn it into some kind of conceptual art piece. Into a sociological and psychological experiment.

There is at least one problem with us doing that, however. Which is that I haven't heard from the guy in a week. My last date with the Russian, our second date, was on Thursday. He wrote me the next day to say he'd read my post about what not to talk about on a first-date, observing that he and I had broken just about every rule. (It's true! Do as I say, not as I do!) And I wrote back--a perfectly flirty note ... and there has been no word from him. I'm positive he got my email. (Mainly because I sent it in two parts, with one PS, as I am wont to do.) I think he said something about defending his master's thesis this week, so maybe that's why I haven't heard from him. But I know he's been on the dating site since last Friday. And I think, really, if he liked me, he'd at least send a little "hello"? Right? My friend Ted Cummings* thinks maybe the Russian is just waiting till his schedule is free so he can (a) send me a good note and (b) make a good plan to hang out. I think Ted is being kind of optimistic. ... What do you think?

One more thing about the Russian--which I'll talk about in more detail either tomorrow or next week: He's into bondage! I told him I wasn't and he said that was fine, that many of his girlfriends haven't been. But it's pretty crazy, no?

*his porn-star name

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