A reader recently reached out and told me that she noticed a cute guy on a flight to Texas with an empty seat next to him. She took the opportunity to sit down and get to know him. They talked the entire three-hour flight, and then said their goodbyes without exchanging contact information.
When her guy friend picked her up, she filled him in on the story of the flight and he told her that her behavior could be perceived as "easy." She asked me if I agreed, and I told her I'd love it if a woman came up to me and initiated conversation. I'd be flattered. If I was attracted to her, I'd be thankful that I didn't have to figure out a way to make contact. But we all know I'm lazy and insecure.
Regardless of my weaknesses, when a woman makes a move to talk to a guy, she looks confident. There's always the chance that the guy is thrown off because he's more "traditional." I believe women have just as much right to make that first move, and it certainly doesn't make them look easy.
"Easy" isn't about making yourself available by making a move on a guy. And it's not about one-night stands. In fact, of all the one-night-stands I've had, I never assumed any of the women were "easy" (possibly because I find all women challenging). I gave them the benefit of the doubt that the incidents were isolated moments in their lives where the one-night-stands just happened. Besides, it takes two to tango — so I was probably "easy" to them.
The standard definition of "easy" for men is basically the same as "slutty": a girl who "puts out" frequently with different guys. I decided to point out some signs/behaviors that guys look for that might indicate a girl is "easy." Walking up to a guy and having regular conversation is not one of them:
Right or wrong, certain looks can make a guy think a girl is easy. The other night, I was ogling a girl who had a lot of her bra showing because the back of her shirt showed a lot of her back. A girl I was with mentioned it was "trashy," and I argued that "Madonna gets away with it." My friend argued back: "Well, she's not Madonna." If women assume other women are "trashy" or "easy" because of what they wear, guys definitely assume it.
Many guys look for signs that you're easy while they are talking to you. If they sense that you're on the rebound, that you have low self-esteem, that you're lonely, you might look easy to them, even if that "easiness" is temporary.
It's a double whammy to open up too fast and trust someone so much you let them know about your weak mental state. If you look too trusting, and you don't have your guard up, some guys may try to take advantage of this trust — and assume you're easy.
Frequency of Guys While You're Out
Unfortunately, as I said, it seems accepted that guys will go out hitting on tons of girls. If guys see a particular girl hitting on too many guys or dancing with lots of different guys, they might assume she's easy.
Guys equate stupidity or naiveté with easiness. Perhaps they think they can't sweet-talk a smart girl as easily.
This is the number-one way to look easy. I've always believed my friends whenever they say a girl is easy (though many guys like to tell tall tales about their success with women). This is a curse if you're hanging out with a lot of the same people and friends and you've somehow gotten an "easy" reputation by word of mouth.
Unfortunately, guys make assumptions. "Easiness" is much more complex than just getting with lots of guys. Sure some women out there just like casual sex, but most women are not "easy" (at least for me). If there are guys out there that assume a woman walking up to a guy and starting conversation is easy, then there are plenty of guys with preconceived notions about women and easiness.
What are your thoughts on the idea of "easiness"? Is a lot of it based on gender bias? Old-fashioned thinking? Or are there definite behaviors that scream "easy"? What are your thoughts on my list?
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