Would You Make Out with a Guy Who Inappropriately Touched You?

Even though I turn subhuman for three days at the beach with my college buddies every Labor Day (like a bad '80s sitcom), I did manage to learn a lesson.

That lesson was about the go-getter attitude. I had my chance on Saturday night at the Lighthouse bar in Dewey Beach, DE. Who would have thought that the horrible chords of "Hail to the Redskins" fight song played over the loudspeaker would set up a chance for me to meet a cute girl?

My friend (an Eagles fan) and I (a Ravens fan) heartily booed the song to drown out the girl's cheers, and she approached us. She actually turned out to be a great conversationalist. She wasn't annoying about sports, and she pointed out that I was wearing boating shoes even though she could tell I am rarely on a boat. I respected that. Then we analyzed all my friends' shoes.

She mentioned that a guy who was "not too bright" had been hitting on her all night. I liked that her attraction depended on his intelligence. A few moments later, the dumb guy came crashing into our group and we welcomed him, explaining that we had been talking about sports.

As soon as we mentioned that we were not Redskins fans, the guy busted a 'roid vein in his forehead and started yelling at us about how bad our teams were. I did not come down to the beach for this crap. So, I simply walked away.

Later on, I found out that girl thought I was cute — she had told my friend. And my desire for peace, no confrontation, and general annoyance at that stupid guy cost me my chance... She was cute, and I bet that 'roid-rage guy ended up taking her home.

The next day, my buddies and I went to the Starboard for Suicide Sunday, an all-day booze fest that tends to resemble an ancient Roman orgy. Now, I had no chances on this day — I was way too drunk too fast, enjoying the sun and music and talking to everyone I possibly could about goofy stuff.

But apparently my buddy made out with some girl two minutes after she walked into the bar.

Here's his synopsis:

"She walked in, I put my hand low on her hip and said, 'Welcome to the Starboard.' She said: 'Well, that's a nice welcome.' I said, 'Why don't I make it better?' And we started making out."

When I asked him what possessed him to touch her as soon as she walked in, he said, "Well, she could have slugged me, but it all worked out okay."

Upon reflection, I realized that my friend did a few things right, things that I don't think I could ever do:

He took advantage of the situation. The surroundings on this day were conducive for random make-outs.

He picked the right girl. This girl was probably much different than the girl I met the night before. My girl required communication and work, and this girl apparently was willing to go for it without any communication. I never find girls like that.

That uninvited touch was a sign of confidence. I was always taught that uninvited touching was a no-no. I don't want to creep anyone out. But I guess that touch communicated that he assumed this girl would want him. Maybe my friend is just drop-dead good-looking, but not even drop-dead good-looking guys have girls walk into bars and kiss them, do they? Or was this just a case of the right kind of girl in the right kind of place?

I can tell you one thing: I've never kissed a girl two minutes in (well, maybe on a frat dance floor in college). But my other buddy spelled it out when he said: "That's just what he does. You and I would never walk up to a girl and touch right away like that."

My buddy touched a girl and said 10 words and made out. I conversed with a girl for 20 minutes and ended up running away empty-handed. Maybe I need to change my approach.

I shouldn't be touching uninvited, but maybe I should be more aggressive than talking about shoes and running away. Maybe a girl likes to be "fought" over or "claimed," like my friend did.

What do you think of my friend's move? Would this work on you? Is it ever okay to do that kind of uninvited touch? Do I have to get more aggressive like my friend or the 'roid guy? Lately, I've just been chatting and hoping...maybe I should be "staking my claim" more through a touch or a more aggressive approach?

Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

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