4 Reasons NOT to Go Out in the Hopes of Meeting Someone


Believe it or not, your fun-loving bloggerina over here at MK headquarters can be a workaholic. And last night, I missed out on the party for my friend Aryn Kyle's new book because I got too obsessed with a writing project.*

(FYI, workaholism is a BAD reason NOT to go out. )

This morning, after my dear friend Daisy Milliner asked me how the party was, I wrote, "I didn't make it. But maybe that's a good thing. Because though I wanted to support Aryn, I mostly wanted to go in the hopes of meeting someone, which is probably the worst reason to go anywhere."

Daisy was like: "What?! That's exactly why you should be going out!"

But I respectfully disagree.

Why? Well, whenever I go out mainly hoping that I'll meet someone:

1) I frequently end up disappointed if there aren't cool single guys to be met. (And these days--is it just me, or is everyone either married or lame or jailbait? Not that I don't love the jailbait, of course, but I am trying to STAY AWAY.)

2) If there ARE cool guys, I often try too hard. I'm a little nervous, which makes me over-eager in conversation, a little too brassy or brazen, a little too cuckoo. (Truth be told, plenty of people get a kick out of my sass-talking ... and often want to be friends with me ... but that hyper-active Lady Comedienne thing doesn't attract future boyfriends so much. In fact, it's more likely to attract the wardens from Bellevue, bearing a Maura-size white jacket.)

3) Similarly, I want people to react to me in a certain way. I.e., I am hoping the hot dudes will fawn over me and ask for my number and respectfully vie for the opportunity to be father to my future GoldenDoodle babies. But I can't control people's reactions. I can only control my own actions.

4) I may give off a needy vibe. And as you might recall from way back when I interviewed Neil "The Game" Strauss on the subject of how to be a good flirt, neediness is wildly unattractive.

So, what are better reasons to go out?

Go because you want to see your friends and have fun with them. Because you're genuinely interested in what you


will await you at your destination, whether it's a new movie, a theater performance or a music show. Because you're looking forward to having a good meal. Because you've worked hard all day and you want to relax with a glass of wine while watching the soccer game at the local French bar.

Am I right? What do you guys think?

Now, you could make the argument that this post contradicts the spirit on which this blog was founded. (Picture me in a white wig here, wearing pantaloons, holding a feather-pen and standing at a podium next to George Washington.) But I am an ever-evolving blogger ... and I guess I'm just saying that while flirting is always great, it shouldn't be a goal of the evening as part of the way you interact with the world--in a playful, inquisitive, confident manner.



*Here's what happened last night: I worked with one of my private MediaBistro students for a while, and as we were talking, I had a lightbulb moment about how to thematically organize this book proposal I'm trying to put together ... and though I'd been at my desk pretty much all day since 9 a.m., I sat back down at it to take a few notes. When I looked up again, it was midnight.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
More From Love & Sex