Are Women Looking for Trophy Husbands?

Geof Kern

I don't know if you guys read my post the other day, about how some of us think we're ready for a relationship when we're actually NOT — a particularly insidious form of commitment-phobia. Today asked Marie Claire's head honcho, Joanna Coles, to go on the show to talk about the issue — and she took it to a whole new level.

As Joanna noted, a lot of us ladies are so competitive — at school, in the workplace, even sometimes socially competitive as we angle to have the most friends or to be invited to the most fabulous parties — that we can't leave that competitive mind-set aside when we're in the dating realm. (I'm certainly guilty of this.) Sure, we say what we want is a dude who is kind and funny ... but maybe what we don't say out loud (and also don't totally acknowledge in the privacy of our hearts, either) is that what's even more important to us is finding a big gun who is professionally successful and physically attractive. We want a man who is such a hotshot that other people will say, "Oh — look at him! And look at her with him. What a sexy couple."

Or, at least, I realize, this is what I want: a trophy dude. An overachiever and a hottie.

And I have to wonder if this isn't a pretty good recipe for unhappiness. I mean, for one thing, can I get a trophy dude? (An expert I spoke to way back when I first started writing this blog told me that the most common mistake he saw people who were single too long making was this: They were 6s — as he put it — who were only interested in 8s. I was horrified and appalled when he said it — so horrified and appalled that I didn't mention it in my post. But what he said stuck with me, and recently I've started to wonder if that is indeed my problem.)

For another thing: Why do I want a trophy dude? Is it only because I'm so uncertain about my own worth that I want a partner with conventionally valued attributes — like attractiveness and worldly success — in the hopes that they mirror or reflect my own worth? And broadcast that worth to the world at large?

If so ... isn't that kinda gross?

Dunno. What do you guys think? Do you know where I'm coming from?

PS: Here's the Today show segment, in case you're interested.

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