32 Ways To Please a Woman

It's not rocket science, people.

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1. Text her back. She thinks about this shit more than (most of) you do.

2. Don't make us do shots if we don't want to. Unless your idea of a hot Friday night is holding our hair back.

3. Don't stop us from doing shots if we want to. Shots! Shots! Shots!

4. Offer to hold our stuff if it's heavy. Just offer.

5. Build our Ikea bookshelves. I am still emotionally indebted to the man who built my Flürm.

6. Be understanding if we're workaholics. Don Draper's got nothing on us.

7. Don't expect us to diet. Being skinnier is not that high on our priority list.

8. Don't expect us to be gym fiends. Aside from your average stress-busting yoga — but it's more for the head, not the body. If we want abs, we'll get them. But not for you.

9. Be cool with the fact that we make more money than you. We can go Dutch!

10. For the love of God, don't expect us to like The Hobbit. IT'S SO BORING.

11. Bring us cookies when we had a shitty day at work. Storebought or from scratch, either way.

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12. Let us watch our Bravo in peace. Better yet, go do something else while we watch. Tease me all you want, but my addiction to Real Housewives of New Jersey doesn't mean I'm not still smarter than you. You know it, I know it.

13. Just say what you are feeling instead of being weird. Use your words like a big boy.

14. Do the dishes. We can take turns.

15. Remember our friends' names, at least the important ones. No, that's not Jessica, that's AMANDA.

16. Bring home a large chocolate bar when you know we have our period, no questions asked. Just leave it in the fridge. Preferably the fancy expensive sea-salt kind with those Wes Anderson-looking wrappers you get from upscale bodegas k thanks.

17. Clean your beard hair out of the sink. Ew.

18. Be a good cook. There's almost nothing hotter. Especially to a girl who can't cook.

19. Generally do housework when you know it's your turn. It's not hard to Swiffer the floor.

20. Always fetch us things (like water). Especially in the morning, after a night of drinking, or after sex. It's lovely and considerate.

21. Love our pet, even if you secretly hate our pet. Especially if it's a cat.

22. If you're considering whether you need to ask permission to do something (like hang out with an ex), ask permission. She should be cool with it, but it shows that you're considerate of her feelings.

23. Be pro-choice. No exceptions.

24. Read books. Not just nutritional labels and Men's Health while you're on the treadmill.

25. Don't refer to your ex-girlfriend as "crazy." That just makes you look bad.

26. Don't crash girls nights. No men allowed.

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27. Back rubs, please. Especially when we're stressed out.

28. Clean up after yourself. Don't leave your underwear on the bathroom floor if you can help it. :)

29. Do the laundry. Fresh warm laundry is a turn-on.

30. Make plans so we don't have to. It's not that hard to figure out a reason to get up and leave the house!

31. Watch Star Trek alone. I don't care.

32. Be comfortable around gay men and not even slightly homophobic or awkward. Because we have gay friends, and they should not feel weird around us and our boyfriends. Ever.

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This post originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com.

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