9 Steps to Flirting Success

Resident dating blogger, Maura Kelly interviews author of The Game Neil Strauss to find out how to become an expert flirt in nine steps.
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Resident dating blogger, Maura Kelly interviews pick-up artist and bestselling author of The Game Neil Strauss. Find out how to become an expert flirt in nine steps.
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Flirting 101
STEP 1: Learn the Art of Eye Contact Don't shy away from staring him down, but do it the right way. Ease into it by practicing triangular gazing, where you look at one eye, then the other, then at their mouth. Strauss says practicing this for just a day will get you ready to start learning to interact with guys you're attracted to. Once you've locked eyes, keep looking: one study showed that it takes about thirteen glances before the average guy approaches a woman!
woman sitting between two men
Chris Militscher
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Flirting 101
STEP 2: Practice Small Talk Before you approach a guy you're into, make sure you've got the basics of small talk down. "Challenge yourself to go out and make small talk with five strangers today," advises Strauss. "Don't worry about whether they're people you want to date. Approach grandfathers, other women, someone who's not your type, whomever you come across. It'll help you adjust to stepping out of your comfort zone." Don't get too comfortable chatting away. The conversation topics to avoid.
two women and man talking at a party
Philip Gay
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Flirting 101
STEP 3: Perfect Your Body Language Want to get under his skin? "Get just a centimeter into a guy's comfort zone, and look up at him with big eyes," says Strauss. The no-fail move? "Put your chest out, chin down, eyes high in the socket, head slightly tilted, and your weight on one foot. That's important. If your feet are planted, they feel the resistance, just as much as they would if you had your arms crossed." Practice makes perfect--you might look like a cross-eyed chicken at first, but get it down right and it'll make him crazy. If a person positions his or her body at a ninety-degree angle from you when being face- to-face is just as easy, that doesn't bode well, says Jena Pincott, author of Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes?: Bodies, Behavior, and Brains--The Science Behind Sex, Love, and Attraction. Keep reading for more body-language cues that he's just not that into you.
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Flirting 101
STEP 4: Don't Think Before You Speak Don't think too long before you open your mouth--it'll come off unnatural and awkward. "People sense it when something sounds too pre-meditated; that makes them uncomfortable," Strauss says. Eyeing the cutie on your morning commute? Strike up a conversation with these 5 pointers for flirting on public transportation.
man in suit with woman behind him nuzzling his neck
Valentin Casarsa
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Sex in the Workplace
Greg Delves
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Flirting 101
STEP 6: Set a Time Limit Within the first 60 seconds of your conversation, Strauss says, immediately mention that you have some kind of time constraint, whether or not you do. Is he slow to get the hint and ask you out? How to get him to ask for your number.
woman in black skirt and silver top
Chris Militscher
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Flirting 101
STEP 7: Neg Him The trick when you're flirting, Strauss says, is "figuring how to keep a balance between being engaging enough to retain someone's attention and not seeming overly available." Tease him a little and call him out by saying something like, "Oh sure you do..." Should you play hard to get? Real guys give their opinion.
woman in yellow silk camisole and tweed pants
Chris Militscher
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Flirting 101
STEP 8: Lower Your Expectations Flirt for the sake of flirting. "If you meet a really high-quality guy and you're really attached to the idea of him being your boyfriend, that pressure—that neediness—is something he'll sense," Strauss warns. No luck? You might be looking to meet men in the wrong places: the five locales NOT to meet men.
woman and man looking into each others eyes and smiling
Paul Kline/iStock
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Love and Sex
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