FRIDAY

5:45 a.m., bed: Think about waking up my boyfriend of four months, Edward, with a hand job. Remember I don't like to give hand jobs. Go back to sleep.

8:15 p.m., work party: Win a "Sex Kit" that includes a sex-position spinner. Edward spins it. It lands on Doggy-style. I groan. Edward rolls his eyes. With previous boyfriends, I've taken naughty pictures, been tied up, and role-played. But I've been holding back with Edward. At first I thought I wanted him to believe I was a "good girl." Then I figured I was holding back sexually because I'm so open with him emotionally. Now I really have no idea.

2:10 a.m., Edward's house: Consider giving him a blow job, since I haven't done that yet. But I don't.

SATURDAY

10:15 a.m., kitchen: Edward wants to bend me over the dining-room table. I remind him that he has to be at work soon.

10:22 a.m., car: Edward says, "You are just really conservative about sex, huh?" I respond: "Not usually. I just am with you." Luckily, he drops it.

10:30 a.m., home: Freak out about not wanting to give Edward a blow job. Every time I don't, I feel guilty. Consider trying new positions — he must be bored with the two we do.

MONDAY

3:30 a.m., bed: Wake up with severe UTI.

11:00 p.m.: Break news to Edward. He raises an eyebrow: "There are other things we can do."

11:15 p.m., bed: Think about giving him a blow job, but fall asleep first.

TUESDAY

4:45 p.m., car: Resolve not to go to Edward's. I can't have sex and don't feel like dealing with BJ guilt.

THURSDAY

8:45 a.m., bed: Edward suggests we use the sex spinner. It lands on Stroke Him. "Ugh," I say. He throws it to the floor. I feel guilty, then anxious — he must be really bored with me. That just makes me feel more self-conscious about it and not motivated to do anything else.

8:48 a.m., bed: Sex — missionary.

10:37 p.m., bed: Sex again. Still no blow job. I'll do it tomorrow.

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