Beyoncé's Big Surprise...Is That She's Vegan

Well, at least we know she doesn't do CrossFit.

When Beyoncé appears in a Good Morning America teaser saying "This is something I have to share with everyone," you sit and wait, your body quivering with anticipation.

You suddenly develop a "cough" accompanied by a "103-degree fever." You build a Rube Goldberg machine that refreshes Twitter every 20 seconds. You are Schekinah:

But then you find out Beyoncé—BEYONCÉ—made you tardy to whatever it is you have to do (work, maybe?) because the thing she was dying to tell you was that she has decided to eschew animal by-products. And that, by doing so, her skin has become "really firm and a lot tighter." True, she also says two sentences about celebrating her curves, struggling with diets, and finally finding a plant-based lifestyle that works for her, but OH MY GOD I USED A SICK DAY FOR THIS?! (To be fair, the whole vegan meal-delivery system thing should have given it away.)

At least you are not alone in your disappointment.

We'll laugh about this someday.

Chelsea Peng
Chelsea Peng

I'm Chelsea Peng, the assistant editor at On my tombstone, I would like a GIF of me that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, I'm into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard I have to go lie down.