Months into our separation, I resisted my husband's efforts to lure me back. The kids and I lived comfortably in my grandparents' home out-of-state, where we had fled one afternoon while he was at work. I saw him twice, once for a funeral and again at his grandparents' house during Christmas.
But I was still conflicted about whether to file for divorce. Though he treated me poorly, reuniting with my husband would offer some level of financial security. He continued to send money monthly, but pressured me to move back into our marital home by summer.
Outside of his periodic phone calls, I kept tabs on him using the Internet. He occupied a prominent position in local government and made regular media appearances. One morning, I logged online and saw it: An article about my husband's alleged affair. The image of him with his arms wrapped around his intern was so bizarre that my first instinct was to laugh.
I ran to show my grandmother the article saying, "Can you believe this?" All those months I felt confused, wondering why he had become so distant and uncaring, suddenly made sense. There was a reason I felt uneasiness in the pit of my stomach when he offered lame excuses about why he was late, or why I could not reach him by phone. Though I never found any evidence of cheating, I trusted my intuition and moved out anyway. He accused me of acting paranoid out of insecurity, but he was lying the entire time.
In the weeks that followed, reporters would uncover more sordid details from his past. I learned of two illegitimate children in other states, including one that was born a month before we married. His grandmother told me she suspected a third. There was one damaging article after another. As reporters tried to reach me for comment, any feelings of guilt I felt about leaving him were gone. Instead, I felt relief.
I thank God I left when I did. My life would have been a living hell if his infidelity was publicly confirmed while we resided together. Living out-of-state shielded me from the circus his life had become. Beyond infidelity, my husband was living a double-life; with secrets so treacherous he became tabloid fodder. Our marriage was a sham. I felt as though I never really knew him at all.
Was I hurt? Yes. But, I had small children to care for and instantly went into survival mode. My experience taught me to stop looking for a successful man and work towards achieving my own goals. I found solace in pursuing my education. After completing my bachelor's degree, I searched for a master's degree program. Raised by a mother with substance abuse issues, with an absentee father who was imprisoned, my husband was a product of his environment. The behavior I witnessed during our marriage left me curious about mental health disorders, so I entered a clinical mental health counseling graduate program.
I also returned to my creative roots, recording songs that received public and college radio airplay. Singing and songwriting kept me sane during my divorce, when it felt as though my life was falling apart around me. My hope is to create a songwriting therapy program one day. Through music, in an awesome twist of fate, a deejay introduced me to the man that would become my biggest fan and my life partner. I often say he helped me realize dreams I never knew I had.
Four years later, we have a blended family that I adore. Outside of raising our children, my time is filled with creative pursuits. I do not take any of it for granted. As difficult as it was, I would not change a thing about my past. At the lowest point of my life, I learned resilience. Being cheated on did not destroy me. It gave me a solid reason to end a loveless marriage. In time, I discovered my purpose and welcomed true love into my life.
From: Good Housekeeping US
