Letters To The Girls From Sex and the City

This Sex and the City movie is everywhere I go. I took some

time the other day for catharsis: I

wrote notes to each of the characters on why we'd never be good together and hashing

out my general gripes:

Dear Carrie:

Honestly, what are you

thinking sometimes when you walk out of your apartment? The obnoxious outfits you wear make you look

pretentious and slutty. I don't even

think I can get past these outfits to even speak to you. You wonder why you have so much trouble with

men—some of it must have to do with your addiction to ugly clothes. One look at you and I immediately realize

that I could never be with you even if I could deal with the getups. Sorry, but I'm a jeans and t-shirt

kind of guy...you should try wearing something that simple and classy some time.

Dear Miranda:

I can immediately tell that

you wouldn't put up with my crap. I like

to go watch football on Sundays with the guys and sometimes (well most of the

time) I'm so lazy I can't even use my brain cells to figure out a way to reach

the remote if it's outside of my weekend ring (the five foot radius

around me that I'm willing to reach to during my weekend). You seem like you would want me to go to

expensive dinners and museums all weekend. You also seem like you would not like to put up with anything that came

out of my mouth, most of which I can't control. Get a sense of humor, then we can talk.

Dear Samantha:

You are disgusting.

Dear Charlotte:

You have so much

potential. I think you're adorable and

sweet. When you wreck up, I think it's

cute. When you succeed, I'm happy for

you. It's so hard for me to find a girl

who has everything I'm looking for but you are it. You are innocent, but sometimes you say you

just want to "get fucked". And you mix

in that little spice perfectly with your entire package. So only one problem here: I HATE YOUR FRIENDS! It's a shame that you got caught up with

them. We could have been something, you

and me



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