I've been asking some of my close friends a question that is
making them all uncomfortable but, like the good friends that they are, they
are offering me advice to the best of their abilities. My question has to do with kissing and some
differences I've noticed in some of the girls I've kissed lately.
This thing I've been noticing has taken a toll on the rest
of my experience with these girls. A
good kiss is like a great opening scene in a movie. It grabs you and pulls you in and you don't
turn away from that screen until the very end.
Your emotions are on edge, but you enjoy the uncertainty because, at the
same time, there is a miraculous feeling of comfort within the moment.
The trend that has been bothering me is that the three girls
I've recently made out with do a lot of pecking. That is, pecking on the lips and cheek and
neck. Sure, this feels great, but there
is not as much passion in these kisses.
And, there is a major absence of tongue.
Now, I'm very sensitive about tongue use. But I believe it is necessary for a "sexier"
kiss. I never go in first with tongue,
and I use it in a pretty discretionary manner:
I go with the girl's whims. I feel
her vibe during a kiss and then give or take tongue accordingly. Sometimes it's just passionate with a
ridiculous amount of tongue. Or,
sometimes it's just gentle, with the tips of tongues touching. It can be a combination of both.
I anticipate what the first kiss with a new girl will feel
like. Part of that is anticipating has
to with her tongue skills, and how our styles will be compatible or clash.
In all three cases, I didn't really get aggressive with my
tongue because I don't want a girl to feel like I'm attacking her with it. But I did eventually get frustrated with the
lack of tongue, and the passion was lacking throughout the kissing. How is it possible, in some instances, to
make out for two hours without using tongue in a kiss? I've tried to develop a theory for why the
latest group of girls I've madeout with have not used enough tongue.
The only unifying factor with all these girls I made out
with is that they were all at least five years younger than me. This led me to believe that, at some point,
there must have been some kind of cultural shift that my generation of kissers
is not aware of: maybe younger people
just don't use as much tongue? Growing
up, it was definitely part of the kissing learning process. But maybe this whole generation learned with
different standards and ideas about what a passionate kiss is.
Is it possible that there was some kind of cultural shift or
generational gap between me and these girls when it came to kissing? Perhaps.
Remember when France
opposed the war in Iraq? Americans spitefully renamed all things
"French": freedom fries (French fries),
freedom dressing (French dressing), freedom manicure (French manicure).
Maybe these girls are very patriotic and became so angry at France's
opposing the Iraq
war that they decided to subscribe to "freedom kissing": freeing themselves from French kissing.
On a more serious note, all three of my confidantes (one
girl and two guys) said : yes, they do enjoy having tongue involved in kissing
and found it strange that there was virtually no tongue involved in my recent
kisses with the three girls I madeout with.
One of my friends simply stated about one of them:
"Maybe she's just a bad kisser".
Perhaps. But in my
world of self doubt, I considered whether I had too much garlic on my breath,
or if these girls were just younger and intimidated and I should have taken
more command with the use of tongue in our kissing. But, I'm actually confident in my kissing
style-it allows us both to express ourselves and I really don't like attacking
with my tongue. I like to use it
skillfully and appropriately.
So, that begs the question-are there any of you out there
who just don't use tongue during passionate kissing? Maybe you had a first kiss experience like me
(I saw a slug right before my first kiss) and you never recovered? Maybe you only save it for people your're
really into-one of these girls I made out with repeatedly though. But are any of you anti-tongue and can you
help me explain the phenomenon that I wasn't getting any tongue during all of
these makeouts? Is it possible that the
younger generation isn't into that?