When British tabloid The Daily Star tweeted out an article Monday with the headline, “Men reveal the three words they LOVE to hear during sex”—paired with a picture of a woman seductively whispering into a man’s ear, of course—it was pretty transparent clickbait for a horny and heteronormative section of the internet. And, to be honest, it worked! I’m a secure enough person to admit that I clicked it. I want to know the three words!
The answer, conducted via 1,000-man poll, is allegedly “please don’t stop,” which is kind of blandly sexy, you know? Kind of kinkily polite. The second most-popular was “that feels good” which is even blander but good to know, and the third-most popular three-word sex combo was “you’re so big,” which…eye-roll. Anyway, there are a lot of stories like this on the internet, and you can sort of see how the Daily Star would expect people to just click this and then forget it and never think about it again.
Obviously, that's not what happened.
The internet heard the phrase “please don’t stop” and took it to heart, and the tweet immediately launched a sort of metacommentary of our troubled times. Some of the responses are surreal, others kind of dark—most are very funny. See some of the best ones below:
OK, side-note: Pretty sure this podcast line actually does it for a certain kind of gentleman.
That one would work on me, tbh.
FYI, that’s the band that sang this excellent jam:
There are so, so many more responses where that came from, and it’s worth checking them out. If you wanted to do that, here’s the original tweet.
Thanks, Twitter. Please don’t stop.