The Suprising Reason Some Guys Are Just Not That Into It

Lovelies! Hello.

So, yesterday being shrink day, I was going through my usual Wednesday routine: having a coffee on the bench around the corner from psychotherapist's office in the minutes before my appointment. If you'll recall, that bench was the site of my first meeting with the Hard-Hat Hottie (a.k.a. Triple H.) And it was also where I'd seen him again, the week after we met, which was also the night after our date, which was also just about exactly a week ago. And I was thinking, Huh, I wonder where he is today. Figuring I had nothing to lose--and knowing the situation was already over--I sent him a text, saying: I'm here on the Upper West Side for my weekly appointment. (Incidentally, he thinks my "weekly appointment" is for accupuncture.) Where are you?

Now. some of you might think it's a little pathetic that I contacted him at all, a week after the fact. But I didn't feel needy or desperate or crazy (although I have felt these things many times before). And you'll notice I didn't say: Want to hang out some time? Because I didn't really want to do that. But I was curious about why he wasn't interested in having some kind of fling; I was looking for some kind of answer to that question.

Hours later, at 9, my phone rings. The number looks familiar ... it's Triple H! I momentarily debate whether or not I should pick it up, and then scramble to answer.

After getting through the preliminary hello's, he says, "You know, I just wanted to explain why I never called last week, like I said I was going to. Because after I got your text, I realized maybe you were wondering what had happened to me. And the thing is, I had a nice time. It was really comfortable. And sure, it would've be nice to get together again. Maybe even get together a bunch of times. But then we'd be a month or two down the road and ..." He stopped himself, and started again. "I think what I'm trying to say is that THING wasn't there for me. You know? The big spark, or whatever. And I'm looking for something serious. I'm looking for someone I can spend a lot of time with. And I just didn't feel like we'd be able to do that, you know?" I told him I did! "And I feel like maybe we could've dated for a month or two, but it wouldn't go too far beyond that. And then we'd have to break it off ... and I've found that even when you're trying not to be serious with someone, things just get serious, after a while, you know?" I told him I knew all too well. (Does the name Jonas Singer come to mind for anyone?)

Anyway, it was another remarkably nice way to have someone tell me he just wasn't that into me. Interestingly enough, what Triple H was also saying was that he just didn't think there was really such a thing as "casual sex"--because no matter how hard you try to keep your feelings out of it, they don't like to stay in a box. And I think we, as a society, tend to think all men are willing to have casual relationships ... but it's been my experience that plenty of guys are wary of them, knowing how serious the emotional fall-out can be, even from "meaningless" relationships.

It's funny to think that I was willing--despite my recent bad experience with Jonas!--to at least investigate the possibility of another casual relationship. But apparently, I was! Maybe because I think that might be all I'll ever be able to find. Hmm.

Anyway ... hope you're all looking forward to the long weekend.


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