Giving a Dude a Second Chance--What Should the Criteria Be?


Holy gesundheit, this here blog has been going nuts in the last few days. And some of you have

been finding all the shenanigans a little mind-blowing.

Same here.

So please allow me to recap:

On Friday,I wrote about how this Hot Band Guy (whom I'd mentioned glancingly last month) had blogged about me blogging about him! Hot Band Guy noted that, when he and I met up for the second time, at a literary event, I found him ... a little dull. More precisely, I said that I'd gotten bored

after talking to him for "7.5 minutes," and then I went on to complain: "I knew that I wouldn't be able to continue talking to him for more time than it took for me to down my club soda." (Read all of what I'd initially

said about Hot Band Guy here.)

In the comments that day,Arlo Pumpernickel made an appearance, to say I hadn't been fair to Hot Band Guy--that writing anyone off

after 7.5 minutes (approximately) was kind of silly. Who leaped into the fray to defend me at that point but Hot Band Guy himself! He wrote to saythat I'd been justified in finding him (HBG) so boring--because he'd been tongue-tied the second time we met, as a result of reading too much of my blog.

To top things off, Hot Band Guy proceeded to ask me out on a date--right there at the bottom of Friday's blog. Right in front of all of you!

Now, the question of what's going to happen next with Hot Band Guy is one we can tackle another day (probably tomorrow).

Today, maybe we should talk about what the criteria should be--for me, for you, for all of us--when it comes to giving someone a second chance.

Lovelies, what do you think about this?

This conundrum is on my mind not just because of the Hot Band Guy situation, but also because over the past week or so, two other guys (both of whom I met through the online personals) asked me out for second dates. Both of them are great people--attractive, very successful, sweet, gentlemanly. Both are over 30 (which is to say, more age-appropriate than ) and are looking for serious relationships, as far as I can tell. And yet, I turned them both down.


I certainly didn't have a bad time with either of them. To the contrary, with both of them, I spent very comfortable, enjoyable evenings ... and both of them treated me very well, taking me out to nice dinners and telling me how much they appreciated my company.

So ... why don't I just say yes to second dates with them?

I guess I felt like we didn't have chemistry; like the conversation wasn't sparkling enough; like--as with Hot Band Guy--I wasn't completely engaged the whole time. Which is to say ... maybe I got a little bored by then.

But all of this begs the question: Why DO I feel so engaged by players like the Baby Fman ?And why do I get so bored by dudes who treat me like The Princess of Sheba and show genuine interest?

I think the problem might be the old commitment-phobia. Sure, I tell myself I'm ready for something serious these days ... but when I try to picture what a potential boyfriend would be like, I imagine someone like the actor+musician Jason "Bored to Death: Schwartzmanor the top-notch novelist Jonathan Franzen. And these, I hope I don't have to tell you, are not exactly realistic choices.

So I guess the other question is: How do I get my boyfriendly dreams to jive a bit better with what I can actually expect?




-JV! I'm glad you like the nerdy (i.e. passionate) girls. Have I ever told you about my extensive knowledge of Fellini movies?

-And McG: Yes! Amelie. A quirkily endearing flick, for sure.

-Edwinna: Two of you is better than one.

-Dr. Jones: I like that you've been perusing HBG's blog ... I'll have to check out the niece post. And it's all the more to my point, above, about how I'm an idiot when it comes to quality dudes.

-Clao: Stay tuned to see what happens next with me and HBG ...

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