Some Thoughts for a Fellow Dating Blogger

If you're looking for a great dating blog written from a female point of view (even more female than my point of view), look no further than Anna Goldfarb's Shmitten Kitten blog. I enjoy reading about how she's frustrated by foolish guys like me.

I put together a response to a couple of her posts:

The "I'm Around" Debate

In Anna's blog a guy tells her that they should "totally hang out sometime." After she tells him she'd like to, he says: "I'm around." Anna is then frustrated because she's left to figure out the elusive description of "around."

There are a couple of things at play here. First of all, guys think they have to be mysterious. "I'm around" is saying: "I'd like to get together, but I'm busy too and maybe I'm doing something cool. I'll let you think about that."

It's not that cool a thing to say, but sometimes it's the best we can do outside of lying: "I'll see if I can fit you in between trips on my private jet to Miami, touring with my really cool band, and negotiating peace treaties abroad."

If we were going to be truthful about what "around" was it would go a little more like this: "I should have plenty of time to get together with you. I'll be watching sports, probably calling my mom, and texting my buddy about sports. If I actually do leave the couch, I'll probably be aimlessly surfing the Net."

What is the alternative? Should we tell you that you should call in approximately 47 hours? "Call me on Tuesday at 4:24 p.m." We've learned that one of the biggest sins we can commit in courtship is looking too eager, or being clear in the beginning, sadly.

Remember the headline. The guy said: "We should totally hang out sometime." Go with that. Often, guys end up saying things to fill awkward space. "I'm around" may have been a space filler.

Because guys are bad listeners and don't notice detail, they sometimes forget that women notice the details. In this case, the devil is in these details: "I'm around," is making Anna forget that he said "We should totally hang out sometime."

I'm beginning to think it's a no-win situation for us guys. The one time I tried to be "precise" about a call, I got in trouble. I made out with a girl and the following Sunday I said: "I'll call you midweek" as we said goodbye. I obviously meant Wednesday. Everyone knows Wednesday is "midweek," right? So, before midweek even arrived, our mutual friend Karen called me and yelled at me:

"I'll call you midweek? What the hell does that mean?

I told her it obviously meant Wednesday, and now no one was getting called early week, midweek, or end of week because I was annoyed that they were disappointed in my precision. And I would have called Wednesday too, had Karen refrained from yelling at me.

Ultimately, no matter what a guy says, you have the right to contact him to see if he is serious about hanging out with you. But, if you're going to get caught up in all the little stupid things guys say, you will most likely get annoyed at every guy you meet because they all say stupid little things by accident.

The Laundry Pile Debate

I don't even think there's a debate here. Anna wrote that one of her pet peeves in a guy's apartment is when his huge pile of laundry is in plain sight. She's justified in her opinion.

When I have a girl over, I make my apartment spotless. I put up interesting artwork, and "decorate" as best I can. In fact, there's a spot on top of one of my cabinets that is just waiting for a vase with flowers. The key to this spot is that my evil cats can't get up there (one of the few places in my apartment that's certified cat-proof).

Maybe I take it to an extreme, but I don't have anything bad sitting out when a girl is coming over. In all honesty, I wouldn't let her open the closet because the last-minute-stuffing avalanche might crush her. But, she doesn't have to know this.

Basically, if you go to a guy's place, particularly in the early stages of a relationship, he probably doesn't care about your opinion much if he hasn't made an effort to make it look nice. Even the messiest of guys should know to get his place looking nice for you, and make you feel like your visit is a special occasion.

What are your thoughts on the debates above?

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