Today, I got another marriage proposal from a girl friend (now I've got two "let's get married when we are older if neither of us is married by then" friends). It's a result of the frustration and difficulty of dating.
A recent conversation on IM with my "Let's Get Married When We're Older" friend went like this:
Linz (5:11:32 PM): im never going out with anyone ever again
Linz (5:11:34 PM): ur marrying me
Linz (5:11:35 PM): tomorrow
RICH (5:11:37 PM): haha i know it sucks.
Linz (5:11:39 PM): you dont have a choice
RICH (5:11:40 PM): well let's leave some time
RICH (5:11:48 PM): we'll just have a loooong and open engagement
RICH (5:12:01 PM): first dates = dumb
RICH (5:12:06 PM): weekend hookups = dumb
RICH (5:12:11 PM): texting each other = dumb
Linz (5:12:15 PM): haha
And my newest proposal:
Shan (10:45:48 AM): i dont want to deal with lame a-holes and you are a nice person
Dating is so difficult, and it is full of conflicting views and events that chip away at self-esteem. In the past I've compared dating to:
- A job interview
- An American Idol audition
It seems the majority of us are more frustrated with dating than happy with it. Here are my reasons why:
The Grass Is Always Greener on the Other Side
My married friends tell me I'm lucky to be single, and my single friends lament about how they can't find someone. So, I stay in between — dating purgatory. I'll make out here and there, hit on a girl here and there, but I have built-in methods of keeping the "serious" away.
Remaining Faithful Is Difficult
Let's face it: It's tough to remain faithful. Some even say that it's against our biology (especially males) to remain faithful. Biology aside, I'm learning that more and more people don't even have enough morals to avoid cheating.
It's no coincidence that both of my brides-to-be and I have agreed to have "open marriages" where we cheat on each other. Guess that's easier said than done.
It Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
My one girl friend/co-worker is completely fed up. She joined a dating site and called me into her office to ask me if I thought that was bad. I asked her why she joined it, and she said it's because she "has no game." I thought it was a shame that dating has done this to her, because she is a great person.
90% of Both Genders Suck in Some Way
We know the rap on guys: They are just out for sex, they are disrespectful, they don't know how to treat women, they are jerks. But many women suck too: They are boring, they are bitchy, whatever. So, each gender is working with 10% of the population (and we're assuming that that 10% has everything else going for them in terms of looks, etc.).
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but most of the fish suck (like those algae eaters I had in my fish tank when I was little).
You Always Want What You Can't Have
This is the ultimate curse: coveting what you can't have because they are unavailable or far away, or (the worst one) you're not good enough in their eyes. You're constantly treading water, chasing what you can't have.
It's Beneficial and Detrimental to Have Hope
My Baltimore Orioles have been a bad baseball team for the past decade. Every year I have hope they will be kind of good, analyzing little positive nuggets about the team, and my hopes are crushed when they suck.
Dating is similar: I get my hopes up that something is going to happen, taking cues from "good" elements of the relationship, but it makes it more painful when it doesn't work out. So, as a protective measure, I've stopped hoping for it to work out. But I lose motivation to try when I have no hope.
Someone Usually Gets Hurt
Eventually, hopefully, we end up with The One. But this process takes time, and you have to date to learn what you like and don't like. So, what happens in those relationships in your wake? One or both of you was hurt in all those failed relationships. That's obviously not fun.
Dating is something we put ourselves through to find happiness. In the end, though, is the reward worth the risk and damage we do to ourselves?
What is the most frustrating thing about dating for you, and do you agree with my list?
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