The 9 Stages of Communication in a Relationship

Sending Him a Text was once a sacred act. Now you text about pooping and picking up milk at Shop-Rite.

women in bed on phone
(Image credit: Getty Images)

women in bed on phone

(Image credit: Getty Images)

1. One Week

Is this text funny enough to be the One Text that I send him today? It's a reference to an inside joke from our date! But is it obvious that I'm just looking for an excuse to text him? Ugh, I'll just do it. OH NONONO AUTOCORRECT MAKES IT LOOK LIKE I CAN'T SPELL.

It's been ten minutes and he hasn't texted me back, so obviously he thinks I'm a hose beast or I remind him of his older half-sister or something.

2. Two Weeks

~*~*~oMG~*~, this nonstop text banter is so great! I never find guys who are good at text banter, and we've been going back and forth for days now! I wonder if we should start Gchatting? Is that too forward, though? Gchat's not for everyone. It's like the anal sex of communication.

Can I write "LOL" in a text yet? Are we there? Does he know that my intelligence isn't cancelled out by my love for abreves? Eh, I'll wait until I drop a few more David Foster Wallace references at dinner.

3. One Month

He hasn't texted me today. I wonder if that means something? Nah. Maybe. Nah. We Gchatted today, so we're cool, I think. Just to open a new line of communication, I'll email him a link to this Vine (opens in new tab) of Drake lint-rolling his pants front row at a Raptors game with the subject line "LOLOLOOLZ."

4. Three Months

Talking on the phone at night sometimes before we go to bed has been nice, even though sometimes I just want to say good night after 15 minutes, hang up and go back to this Friends rerun. We also take turns calling each other — it seems like we're equally invested in the before-bed call. #equality is good. This is what Susan B. Anthony fought for!

5. Six Months

We have now accrued so many inside jokes that our texts are indecipherable to anyone else. We will never have to talk about Serious Relationship Things, we'll just be hilarious together forever!

Never mind. I just sent a passive-aggressive text to him for the first time because he wants to bail on our plans to play pickup with his obnoxious friend D-Dog. What the hell kind of name is D-Dog, anyway? I'm not responding to these texts anymore.

6. Nine Months

I will not let this relationship stagnate, goddammit. I'm texting to see if he wants to go on an impromptu road trip. I'm texting to see if he wants to go to the midnight showing of a new movie like we're tweens again. I'm texting to see if he wants to do a threesome. ... Wow, he responded to that one real quick.

7. One Year

I want to tell him about this weird thing my coworker just did. Dare I call him at work? Screw it, I'm calling him at work. [in a whisper] "I love you too." I hope nobody heard that.

8. Two Years and Beyond


(Image credit: Archives)

9. Engaged

We've been sending sappy texts in the middle of the day about how fun our married lives will be. Oh, I need to tell him to pick up toilet paper.


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Photo Credit: Getty; Via Cosmopolitan (opens in new tab)

Writer. Things I appreciate: Ghosts, white wine, men who look like they could protect me from predators, and a great homemade deviled egg. Also, I have a VERY ambivalent obsession with Sex and The City but I'm not like any of them, other than maybe Miranda's cat.