The Pre-Ejaculation Drug Has Arrived, Making Adolescent Teens Everywhere Scream Silently With Joy

The relatively new sex drug Promescent's tag line is "make love longer," a statement that certainly doesn't beat around any bushes in succinctly explaining its end-goal. You see, Promescent "treats" premature ejaculation, or PE, which affects one in three men in their lifetime — and not just college-age boys after a long night at the watering hole. This FDA-approved, over-the-counter spray reduces sensitivity (i.e. numbs the area) to allow for longer performance. Interesting. And according to promescent.com/, there's no side effects, either: "As long as you apply Promescent as directed and wipe off any excess, the only thing your partner will notice is that you're lasting longer."

Will this spray become the new Viagra — except, you know, doing the opposite? Things are looking good for the brand. Jeff Abraham, CEO of parent company Absorption Pharmaceuticals, expects sales to hit $1.5 million this year and exceed $4 million in 2014, a similar growth pattern to Viagra's early years in the late 1990s. "One-minute men" may just have something about which to rejoice.