Justin Bieber Is Threatening to Get Another Monkey

The story of a man and his primates.


Justin Bieber incurred the wrath of monkey enthusiasts the world over when he rejected his pet capuchin in Germany, and now he's back for round two. Because nothing comes between a man and his love for primates. NOTHING.

Justin recently confirmed to GQ that he would love another monkey, saying "[I] just gotta make sure I got a house and it stays in the f*cking house. I'm not gonna bring him to Germany or travel with it anymore. People are always like, 'Why did you get a monkey?' If you could get a monkey, well, you would get a f*cking monkey, too! Monkeys are awesome."

So, to sum it up, Justin wants a new monkey. Sounds good/weird, but The North American Primate Sanctuary Alliance is highly disturbed by the singer's ongoing "monkey business" (hah hah) and have issued a public warning. The sanctuary says that housing another primate "will prove dangerous to both you and your monkey" and maintains that "it is simply not possible to fulfill the unique needs of your monkey within a private home."

Fair, but it seems like Justin is the one with unique needs here. He's basically the Jane Goodall of Calabasas.

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